"Celebrating Sex"
It is great having fantastic friends who love to hook me up with great teaching. Thanks T and C. You two are great friends.
Among some of those teaching gifts, is a good amount of audio teachings from Rob Bell. And one of those teachings has given me some really great perspectives on sex and marriage.
Throughout my life, I have been told that God expects us to wait until we are married to have sex. The reasons given usually have to do with morality and no direct quote from Scripture. This makes it difficult to teach in a day when everybody wants to know “Why?”
The Scriptures may appear to be silent on the exact reason, but that’s because of the cultural differences between the time and place in which the Scriptures were written and our current time and place.
Imagine that you are a teenager going to the mall on your first day of driving and you pull into the giant parking lot. There are empty spaces scattered throughout and those blue signs with the stick figure of a person in a wheel chair. You’ve already taken Drivers Ed, you’ve passed your test at the DMV, and you know all about how to park in a parking lot. But every time you come to the mall, there’s a guy who stands in the parking lot with a copy of a handicap sign yelling, “You can’t park where there are one of these signs!”
That’s a bit redundant, don’t you think?
Well, that’s how sex and marriage are in the Bible; it’s understood and goes without saying. People didn’t say, “You can’t have sex with anyone, except your spouse,” because they didn’t have to.
However, it is implicitly stated throughout the Scriptures.
In Exodus 22:16 God says, “If anyone seduces a virgin who is not pledged to be married and sleeps with her, he must pay the bride-price, and she shall be his wife.”
It is understood that having sex is the covenantal declaration of marriage.
The wedding ceremony begins when the bride and groom walk out of their marital chamber and find a community of people who have eagerly waited outside for the couple to finish their 2-becoming-1 ritual (they just had sex for the first time).
The marriage reception could actually be called a "Sex Celebration."
It’s odd for us to imagine our family, friends, and neighbors waiting outside our honeymoon sweet for us to finish having sex, so that they can start the reception, but that’s how it was.
Sex was not a benefit of marriage; it was the declaration of marriage. A preacher saying, “I now pronounce you man and wife” would be a ridiculous thing to do. Sex made them man and wife, not a ceremony-book-reading-suited-up-state-recognized official of the church or state.
Knowing this, God recognizes the first one a person has sex with as his or her spouse. Everybody else is the one he or she left their first spouse to be with.
Men, we are told to love our wives as Jesus loved the church. We are told that Jesus loved her so much that he was genuinely willing to die for her. The guy who wants “a little” is not the one who will die for her.
Men and women cannot allow their selves, as images of God, to be used as entertainment.
Not understanding this, is why we treat sex and sexuality as a product to loan and borrow, and when we are finished with the product, we move on to the next, eventually settling down with the one we “love.”
QUESTION: Why do we not have sex before marriage?
ANSWER: Sex is marriage!
15 comments:
Good point. But how do you make that make sense to kids today???
Can you really? Society is saying so much more so differently...
We had some great kids at the Club this summer, but with 1/2 of them being middle school age or older, this was the first summer I ever had to deal with PDA among teens. My main goal dealing with this matter was to just let the girls know that they are beautiful and valued and special regardless of any guy... they didn't need some boy telling them that they are valued by groping their body. I wish you were still around to do a lesson on Sex Ed with them!
I'll be glad to do that.
Heather Dolby has asked me to come do some teaching with 614. I believe that this is the area that God is leading me toward.
The main message that our girls need is to know that "They are worth dying for."
No girl on this earth is anything less than an image of God who deserves to be treated as God created her. She is to be fully human as God made her, with the capability of being a magnificent mystery.
As long as they give away their mystery, they will always be nothing more than a commodity. And they are definitely not a product.
Interesting perspective. I have a life before Christ that was filled with sexual immorality. Are you saying God views my current wife as a runer up to the first woman I had an encounter with. Keep in mind I was only 13. I need more clarifacation on the subject
Anon,
The key to this life we live as active followers of Jesus is that we are a new creation.
We have followed the teachings of fourth century Rome for 17 centuries.
Jesus told us that in the future the truth will be revealed and some will have eyes to see and ears to listen; others will not.
We are now receiving great teachings that are changing, not only the way we "think," but the way we "live" as new creations.
All of us have lives before following Jesus, some shorter than others, yet they exist.
As Jesus would say, "I do not condemn you. Go, and sin no more."
Grace and peace to you and yours,
Johnny
At first I took what you said to be a truth, mostly because I had always thought the same thing but never looked into past a simple glance. However recently I did start to look into and disagree. I hope we can discuss this without harsh feelings as I'm sure we both want Gods' truth to come out.
You said that "It is understood that having sex is the covenantal declaration of marriage." This is where I disagree. I see marriage as a covenant and if anything sex would be the sign of the covenant. Like the rainbow. Genesis 9 tells us that God made a covenant with Noah and all the earth, that He will never again destroy the earth by flood waters. The rainbow isn't what made the covenant, but was a sign of the covenant.
Look at the first Man and Woman and how they were married. Gen. 2:24 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."
It could be explained that this was sex, but look at what Jesus says in Matthew 19:4-6. He says "...Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." If this was sex Jesus would have been teaching that sex should never stop. Therefor making marriage not a sexual or physical bond, but a spiritual bond.
You used Exodus 22:16 to prove your point. But look at the next verse: "If her father absolutely refuses to give her to him, he must still pay the bride-price for virgins." The sex didn't make them married, they still had to make a covenant, become one spiritual.
I do agree with what you said about preachers and the state marring you. Its always been a spiritual bond and it never mattered if you had a piece of paper or not.
I also deeply agree with what you said about women and how men should be willing to die for them. In a way, that Exodus verse demonstrates that. The men had to pay a price for the women to show that they valued them.
I'll wait in anticipation for your response and the other things you teach in your blog.
Dear Mr. Profile,
Thank you for your observations. Though somewhat argumentative, I respect your thoughts.
The belief that sex is the point of which marriage begins is the understanding of the first century Jewish world in which Jesus lived and taught.
Sex is the flood; the wedding celebration is the rainbow.
I empathize with your lack of understanding, because it is not an easy task to move from 1700 years of fourth century Roman theology. Yet, without digging past our non-Jewish worldview, we will continue to be confused about the covenant of marriage and many other biblical teachings.
It is wise to remember that when we disagree, we must be sure that we do more than proof text from the Scriptures. Without understanding the vorlage of the Scriptures, we are already way behind in our understanding.
Grace and peace,
Johnny
Hey Johnny,
Thanks for the quick response. I'd like to first apologize in my approach. I shouldn't of been argumentative. I should have taken a more Bereans approach, asking questions rather then making accusations.
About the ceremony you spoke of, is there any examples in the Bible. Of all the times I remember someone getting married it wasn't specifically mentioned (Ruth, Samson, Abram, Jacob, Isaac. etc.). I would imagine it being recorded at least once.
What about Joseph and Mary? The Bible makes it very clear that they got married but did not have sex. This could however be the exception, not the rule.
Also, what would this mean for eunuchs? Since they can not participate in sexual intercourse, that would mean they could never get married.
The verse I was used in order to show that pre-marital sex was against God was Matthew 5:27,28. Jesus teaches that adultery is having sex with anyone who is not your spouse, even if its just imaginary sex.
I wish you well.
Mr. Profile
Dear Mr. Profile,
Thank you for your well-thought response. Your apology is accepted.
The answers are not found in the Bible, because the Bible is a Jewish book, written for and by Jewish people. There are many unmentioned subjects in the Bible for the very reason that they were understood without saying and one of those is marriage.
Mary and Joseph were not married officially, but were engaged.
Eunuchs have been "made" that way from a very young age to protect the many wives of kings. They are Gentile men, not Jews.
The culture of the world in which Jesus lived is found in many ancient writings, such as the writings of the Mishna, which was originally printed about 200 years before Jesus was born. There are also other writings from ancient times, which are helpful.
To access some of these important documents, a great place to start is to purchase some wonderful books about the culture of first century Jews.
Some books that will give you great wisdom in these subjects include
Yeshua: A Guide to the Real Jesus and the Original Church, by Dr. Ron Moseley,
Our Father Abraham: Jewish Roots of the Christian Faith, by Dr. Marvin R. Wilson, and
Understanding the Difficult Words of Jesus, by David Bivin.
These are all available at amazon.com.
Another great book to start with is Jesus, the Jewish Theologian, by Brad Young, available at amazon.com.
You can also glean insights from
www.followtherabbi.com.
Thanks again for your comments and questions.
Grace and peace,
Johnny
Thank you Johnny for the book references. I'll have too look into some them as they could help a lot with my Bible Studies.
I understand how difficult it must be to prove something that the Scriptures don't state bluntly.
Look at Matthew 1:18
"This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit." They were engaged. Then Joseph got a message from God.
Matthew 1:24,25
"When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. [25]But he had no union with her until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus."
Now they were married. If they didn't get married the community most definitely would have noticed that she was with child but not married and would have killed her.
I agree, eunuch's were almost always Gentiles and were made that way. But look at what Jesus said in Matthew 19:12 "For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it."
Here Jesus teaches that there are three different types of eunuchs, ones who are born that way, made that way, and do it for God.
Like I said, I'll think about getting some of those books, maybe my library has something on the subject. I appreciate your talking this over with me. Good tidings.
Mr. Profile
Mr. Profile,
I would love to go deeper into those very Scriptures that you have chosen to use as proofs.
However, the truth is dangerous and you may not be ready to hear it.
Grace and peace,
Johnny
As a Christian, I walk in truth and should never fear it. If you would rather email me then my email address is Gorregisguy[at]gmail.com (without the [] of course).
I would appreciate an answer to this as well.
Buy the books.
Johnny
But you just said you would love to go deeper with Mr. Profile, and I'd like an answer. I've got zero cash, I'm a student. I'd much rather have a discussion with someone who said that he would like to discuss it.
Cheers,
Weaver [X]
Weaver X,
The Scriptures, whether we accept this as truth or not, have very likely been sprinkled with some things that reflect Greek, Gnostic, pagan worldview.
This is because, the Christian translators truly believed what they believed and when they had a chance to write it, they did. They aren't blatant changes, in most cases, and they haven't done irreversible damage to the Scriptures. Again, this is why some passages are now being heavily scrutinized and even removed from the body of the text.
Marriage for Joseph and Mary was not a ceremony; it was an act of the covenantal spilling of blood, which happens when a female first has intercourse. All of God's covenants required a blood offering to seal the covenant. That's why a ceremony, though required by Westerners today as recognition of marriage, is not the officiating activity that changes the two to one.
For Jewish couples like Joseph and Mary, being engaged was, in effect, a promise to one day get "married." Also remember that couples were put together by a match-maker, not by falling in love after getting to know each other. Because of Jewish customs, if they did have sex, no one would have thought any less of them, only that they had gotten "marred" without the usual follow-up ceremony that involved the community throwing a huge wedding feast.
No one would have thought that Mary and Joseph were committing any kind of sin by having sex. Hard to believe, but historically true.
With that said, I am not assuming that Joseph is the father of Jesus. I will also add that for me, it wouldn't make a difference with respect to Jesus being the Messiah or the Son of God. I would still believe both about Jesus.
But, for me, I do believe that Matthew and Luke did not make up the virgin birth, though a "virgin birth" is nowhere mentioned in the Old Testament as a Messianic prophesy. Others will argue using Isaiah 7:14 as a proof text, but, again, the Hebrew text does not say, "A 'virgin' will be with child'; it says, 'A young woman of 'high reputation' will be with child."
As far as the Scriptures that speak of not marrying, this is definitely a reflection of the Gnosticism that had impacted the belief systems of the Hellenized Jews. Marriage was never considered inferior to staying single. God's plan was that we populate the earth.
The Gnostics believed that the flesh was sinful and that child bearing was the filthy sin of the female. They believed that a woman bringing a child into this sinful world meant that she was cursed and marriage was the joining of a man to a filthy, female sinner. Therefore, if you could refrain from marriage, you would live a more holy life. This may be hard to believe, but a historical fact of the time and place of the world of Jesus.
I hope this helps.
Johnny
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