Emotion Lotion

Someone has actually asked for more of my thoughts on a man’s version of modesty. So, here goes.

After reading some great books on this subject, with titles like, The Myth of the Greener Grass, Torn Asunder, For Women Only, Men Are from Mars, and Love and Respect, also from the classes I've taken on leadership and counseling at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary in Charlotte, NC, I have gleaned some wonderful insights.

Other great insights come from books about temperaments, communication, and understanding people. All of these are invaluable resources for gaining a clear understanding of how to relate to the opposite sex.

It is common knowledge that most men are more visual than most women, while the non-physical, but just as powerful, intimacy language of women is largely avoided. I think this is because too many men are writing the books about sexuality and human attraction.

The fact, according to most professionals, is that women are very emotionally sensitive and are highly vulnerable to the “really nice guy.” Strangely enough, this doesn't mean he has to actually be a nice guy; he just has to be good at listening, helping, and complimenting. Most women enjoy the attention, (not to be confused with physical affection), of lots of men before marriage, and some can have a difficult time giving that up after the wedding.

The problem with men is that we are so hardwired for sight and touch that we are often not in tune with a woman’s ability to connect emotionally, without connecting physically. So, we think, if she's not flirting physically, then she's not flirting at all. That's why we usually see all the signs of a wife going wayward when it's too late.

Most men have no clue that most women don't think like men. For example, many of the songs written by men toward women have lyrics like, “How I’d love to lay you down,” thinking that's what women want to hear most (just like a man would). The truth is, most women would really enjoy songs like, “How I’d love to get your chair, cook your dinner, listen to how your day went,” but we men assume that women are just as visually stimulated as we are, and we try to appeal to them on that level.

This is not to say that women aren't visually stimulated; it is to say that on average most women are more likely to be emotionally stimulated. This may be an explanation to all those guys who wondered in high school, "What is that hot girl doing with that dorky guy?"

The three main types of adultery include 1) The one night stand 2) The sexual addict, and 3) The Emotional entanglement.

Number three is the most sinister and the one that women are more likely to get snagged by, because of the relational involvement. In fact, most infidelities of this nature are rarely sexual. The problem is that most women soon realize that this guy who is making me feel so great will not continue if I don’t take care of his visual and physical needs, so they eventually give in. The sex is usually less than satisfying and is more of a formality than an act of passion, but it keeps the emotional bond continuing. Remember, "Women give sex for love and men give love for sex."

Men have a giant role to play in the prevention of emotional entanglements. We have to pay closer attention to the way we treat “other” women.

Women have the ability to prevent a lot of lustful temptations in men by paying closer attention to how much skin they reveal, whereas men will have to cut back on the amount of favors, listening ears, and compliments they give. This is where men are to practice modesty.

When a man plays the hero by fixing a car, showing up to help out when the husband is out of town, or just being someone to listen, he is often becoming an emotional masseuse who lathers on an "Emotion Lotion" that only the female Psyche can detect.

So, if men are going to be responsible as followers of Jesus who truly love their neighbors, they will have to learn how to wear their best gentleman’s attitude around other women, while leaving the “Emotion Lotion” at home or with their wives.

The point of all of this is that women will have to be able to recognize their own emotions.

The same way a man has to look the other way when a little flesh is visible on a woman at the mall, women will have to refuse the favors of the "other man" whenever he starts to poor on the charm.

Forever learning,
Johnny